I have a Secret

 I have something to share. I have been contemplating it for a complete long time If I am going to share this or not. The only reason for sharing this time around is because I normally read my blog when I am down, and it truly brings back my spark once I read my past experiences. It humbles me. So today I will start by saying at the age of 42 almost 43, I am really having a hard time finding friends. I really want a friend and for some times now I have not found one that truly I can say be my best friend. My husband is my automatic best friend wether he likes it or not. insert a smiley emoji.

I feel really sad. I have friends around but the problem is I cannot open up with them with my real emotions. I am so terrified. I feel like I am the toxic friend. I struggle to open my heart to anyone. so so sad. I listen to everyone's problem. I gave advice. But deep inside me I wanted to share my real real deep emotions to a friend. But I cannot trust anyone. I am afraid that if I open too much they will judge me. Or if I get so close to them they distance themselves. I am scared. that is why I said I am the toxic friend perhaps because I cannot be totally myself. 

I want a friend to hang around. to just drink coffee without me paying the whole bill. I am not complaining, I feel like people expect me to pick up the bill every time (Philippines). I want a friend that also can afford to buy their own coffee. is that too much to ask?  I just want to hang around with somebody, not them hang around with me because they can benefit from our friendship. I know friendship is give and take. I don't want somebody to just take and take. I am so done with that kind of friend. That is why I said I don't have friend and it is very hard to find a friend. In the US everyone is busy, and I totally get it. I want a friend in the Philippines. I hope I can find one. 

Life is a gift

I have been practicing being grateful lately. Every day as soon as my feet hit the floor, I give thanks to heavens for giving me another day. I am a believer in tomorrow is not promised and today is a gift in itself. It is hard to maintain in this mindset. but when you think of all the people that is struggling to even get out of bed, it made you realized how blessed you are.  I have been loving the weather. Although it is almost storm season, but while it is still very pretty outside, I am going to enjoy every second of it. 

We met husband old coworkers yesterday. One of which came with us when we visit the Philippines last year. He is a widow, and he found him a girlfriend in island. They just cut off and having a good catch up while eating Mexican food. Also, can't help it but talk about politics. My Opinion? I love what is happening in America right now. I believe the country is heading to the right direction.

We went shopping after lunch. Bought few things that is needed in the house. Also, I bought a pair of jeans. I know I have plenty, but I want something comfy when I am working the yard. 

Today 3-06-25 our plan is to buy lumber. We haven't finish our back porch and it's about time. There was a guy that came to the house yesterday and ask us if we want to put asphalt in our driveway for $2000. It sounds like a good deal so me and my husband will finish the porch project so we can put asphalt and not worry about being muddy no more.

have to leave now so i will cont. tomorrow.

see yah!

Trade in or NOT?

Today is such a great day. So husband and I decided to go to town today. The weather is pretty nice this morning and so we decided to just get-out of the house . We have a few items in our to-do and grocery list. one of which is his truck filter. The filter and maintenance on his truck is quite pricy and it is so aggravating each time. So while in town we decided to check on Truck dealership just to shop around new vehicle. Husband has 2018 RAM 2500 diesel and the Trade in for his truck is a lot. The ones we inquire, is a 2023 model Dodge 1500. He wanted a truck where he can change oil and change filter by himself. On our truck right now, he has to go to a shop to have it changed oil and changed filters. and it is so expensive. We have to pay at least $700 every time The sales person told us we can trade his old truck with that 2023 RAM no out of pocket. We just switch keys and we are good to go. We were a bit stunned. We walked out the door with our old truck but having a thought in mind that we may consider trading it in.