I have something to share. I have been contemplating it for a complete long time If I am going to share this or not. The only reason for sharing this time around is because I normally read my blog when I am down, and it truly brings back my spark once I read my past experiences. It humbles me. So today I will start by saying at the age of 42 almost 43, I am really having a hard time finding friends. I really want a friend and for some times now I have not found one that truly I can say be my best friend. My husband is my automatic best friend wether he likes it or not. insert a smiley emoji.
I feel really sad. I have friends around but the problem is I cannot open up with them with my real emotions. I am so terrified. I feel like I am the toxic friend. I struggle to open my heart to anyone. so so sad. I listen to everyone's problem. I gave advice. But deep inside me I wanted to share my real real deep emotions to a friend. But I cannot trust anyone. I am afraid that if I open too much they will judge me. Or if I get so close to them they distance themselves. I am scared. that is why I said I am the toxic friend perhaps because I cannot be totally myself.
I want a friend to hang around. to just drink coffee without me paying the whole bill. I am not complaining, I feel like people expect me to pick up the bill every time (Philippines). I want a friend that also can afford to buy their own coffee. is that too much to ask? I just want to hang around with somebody, not them hang around with me because they can benefit from our friendship. I know friendship is give and take. I don't want somebody to just take and take. I am so done with that kind of friend. That is why I said I don't have friend and it is very hard to find a friend. In the US everyone is busy, and I totally get it. I want a friend in the Philippines. I hope I can find one.
